and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
