I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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