I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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