i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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