Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
