Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
