fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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