There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
