glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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