Grow some girl-balls and come out already
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
