Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize