Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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