Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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