I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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