So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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