i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize