just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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