If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
