i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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