well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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