Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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