people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
