maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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