...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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