No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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