Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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