isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
