i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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