Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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