I got chris browned last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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