My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
