def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize