I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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