I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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