There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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