Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
