Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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