im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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