After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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