i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
