Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
