He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
