I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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