i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
