Got a toothbrush?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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