I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
