A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my liver is dry heaving
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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