I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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