You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
