you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
