There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
People in love make me want to vomit
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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