mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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