mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
