So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
