It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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