my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
