can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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