They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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