Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
