dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
