Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
