I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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