Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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