You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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