thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
