I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
