I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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