and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
