I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize