I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize