This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
