I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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