I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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