Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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