i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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