Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
