Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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