Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
