...so i touched it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
