ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
