Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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