i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
