she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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