epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
