Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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