Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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