i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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