exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
