What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
