there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
