well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize