You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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